Ushirohistory Chapter 1

The History of the Ushiromiya family
By Scientist and Historian leader: Dr Siesta Doubl'O

Chapter 1


In the beginning, there was darkness. Then BANG. The Winchester was shot.
The universe began, millions and millions of galaxies formed and joined, expanding and expanding untill time was created. The giant grandfather clock of the gods stood in the centre reading 5:58am, almost breakfast time.
And thus world was created at 6:00am. Rocks and gold gathered to create our world as it is now.  This world was so divine that even Naruto didn't believe it.
Then… A single, glowing stone was seen crashing into the earth like meteor. Though this was no stone, this was an egg which hatched around lunchtime. Ushiromiya Jesus was born, and Ushiromiya Satan was born. The two great ones split paths after they had their afternoon tea. Ushiromiya Jesus moved to the Izu Islands to where he decided to set up his first family reunion. Ushiromiya Satan moved to Hinamizawa, where she met a great bunch of women dressed in japanese uniforms wanting to take her home.

The story begins with Ushiromiya Jesus
Now, Ushiromiya Jesus was strolling along this particular island, when he came across a mass amount of gold. The moment he touched it, an amazing women in a gold laced dress appeared infrount of him. Known as Ushiromiya Kinzo. This confused Jesus greatly with new feelings of love and joy. He proposed to this woman immediately, but was turned down. Rejection filled his heart to find that this woman had married a man by the name of Beatrice. And with this, he fucked a tree. He had three children by the names of Virgilia, Ronove and Gaap. Virgilia to represent the virginity he once had, Ronove to represent all good food, and Gaap to remind him where the gap in the tree was where he---
Meanwhile, Ushiromiya Satan was having a fantastic time with the women of Hinamizawa. Unfortunately during a bike ride, she got pregnant and just like rabbits do, she gave birth to three children just like Jesus did.  Their names were Maebara Keiichi, Ushiromiya Marear and Flandre Scarlet. Now, Ushiromiya Marear was the middle child, and a fag. Everyone agreed with that. Maebara Keiichi, being the eldest of them all had big dreams, and set out to pursue a career in the art of Pizza. His other and younger sister Flandre Scarlet grew up to become a character for a game Touhou and was never seen again untill the birth of Ronald McDonald.
The story of Keiichi was a miraculous story which tells a tale of determination.
The path to your dreams can always be a tough one. Keiichi learnt this the hard way. He trained day and night, cooking, delivering and eating pizzas. His friends all laughed and mocked him.
"You wait….YOU JUST FUCKIN' WAIT…" He said, "I'll make such good pizza's that you'll cry yourselves to sleep at night cause their so –"Keiichi's words were cut off from him falling into a drainage hole.

No one saw him again; the Hinamizawa syndrome was defiantly being brought upon. Untill he returned one day with a strange women clinging and dragging along to his leg. Her name was to be known as Takano Miyo. However, her life seemed short in this story as Takano Miyo's body was found in the toilet with a half eaten hamburger lodged between her ass cheeks. Her death was thought to have been from her injecting herself with cooking oil for over 13 years of her life. The amount of baseball bruises could have contributed also.

We discussed Marear in the last paragraph as a fag. Well, she did have the achievement of becoming the United Kingdom's first ever president. Declaring the first ever toy and candy stores and announced the creation of the giant plush toy statue by the name of Sakunator. The great achievement of the Sakunator was almost as great as the Egyptian pyramids. But it wasn't really. Shame…

A few years past and disaster struck as the Sakunator was torn down by an angry mob of protesters led by the infamous Adolf Rosa. Marear was furious with her involvement in her government and gathered the British troops known as the Siesta troops, bred underground with UV lighting and grown with super soil and lion droppings. Rosa quickly heard about her plans.
"Das ist nicht gut..." She said, scribbling her plan of attack on a Spongebob Squarepants poster.

Finally she fought back with the power of her own forces. The humiliating truth was that Rosa could only manage to defeat a member of the siesta marching band, the trumpet player 556. This infuriated Maria more to a level where she gained powers from a mysterious ball she found known as a Dragon ball. This lead to the beginning of the first war leading to Marear's victory and Rosa's disappearance, it was noted that Adolf Rosa was last seen chewing on a piece of carpet screaming, "I AM ON VACATION!"

Peace was brought back to the planet. God save the president.